Drunken Robot Pornography PC Review: Cleanest Game on the Internet
Drunken Robot Pornography is totally not what you think it is, unless you think it's a first-person bullet-hell arena shooter.
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Drunken Robot Pornography is a 100 percent clean game. There is porn of a sort in the game, but it's all giant robots putting their lovely metal limbs on display for your inevitable destruction. The name is weird, but it's of the Dejobaan Games clan; these are the folks whose other titles include Drop That Beat Like an Ugly Baby, The Wonderful End of the World, and AaaaaAAaaaAAAaaAAAAaAAAAA!!! for the Awesome. When taken as a part of that list, Drunken Robot Pornography isn't all that odd, eh?
In the future of Boston, you step into the shoes of former bar owner Reuben Matsumoto. You used to own a bar, and that bar was staffed by robots. One day, you accidentally gave your robot bartender, Tim, sentience and like a good fictional sentient AI, he revolted. Tim liberated your other robots, destroyed your bar, and now he's attacking the city. Now it's you, a gun, and a jetpack versus Tim, 12 Robot Centerfolds, 40 Titans, and a crap-ton of other smaller enemies.
Most of that tale is delivered through mission descriptions, voice-overs, and messages you'll receive periodically during the game. You can ignore it if you want and concentrate on the game, but it's actually pretty funny at times. All of the Centerfolds have taken on new, outlandish names to celebrate their freedom, including Sensual Joe Kinematics, Lucrezia Cyborgia, Felonious Junk, and Bonbon Slinkytron. There's even your robotic companion, Suit, who gives you status updates and cracks the occasional joke. If you rush through the game, you'll miss some of the more humorous content; take your time.
But what kind of game are you playing in Drunken Robot Pornography?
My closest estimation is a mix of first-person arena shooters like Unreal Tournament, top-down bullet-hell shooters, and a bit of Tribes. Yeah, a first-person bullet-hell shooter. Fighting the Titans and Robot Centerfolds is the bullet-hell callback; you'll dodge and shoot off the outer bits of your enemies to get to the vulnerable core. Your jetpack is the Tribes connection, with a limited boost mechanic that's integral to getting around in the game; the levels tend to be built vertically with platforms and jump-pads. It's a wonderful return to some old forms of gameplay. I've been lamenting the loss of shooters like Unreal Tournament and Quake III Arena for awhile now, but this week I got to play DRP and Titanfall, two shooters that call back to that era in different ways. It warms my withered, cynical heart.
While reflexes and muscle memory will get you through many of the levels, awareness is key here. Unlike most bullet-hell games, you're not looking at the battle from above. Frequently, you'll find yourself dodging what you see in front of you, only to get hit by enemies behind you. You have to be aware of everything around you, so be prepared to dash and spin, folks. Move like a crazy, gun-wielding ballet dancer and you might survive.
Each level has different objectives and they're all timed. Get to a certain number of points or defeat the right enemy within the time limit to win. Sometimes your objectives are pretty easy and completing them is just a matter of staying alive and holding down the trigger; other times you're not winning unless you follow the prescribed path laid out by the level designer. That includes grabbing certain power-ups like Rapid Fire, Triple Fire, and Boosts to increase your abilities and Martinis to increase your score.
One slight problem with Drunken Robot Pornography is the difficulty is uneven. While some levels are a breeze, others will have you throwing your mouse at the wall. (Depending on how much you spent on your mouse, this could be a problem.) There's no real way to know which type of level you're going to get; you just have to jump in headfirst and hope for the best. A smoother difficulty curve would've been appreciated, but true bullet-hell players probably won't care either way.
Visually, Drunken Robot Pornography is a treat. (That sounds wrong.) The game is all simple shapes and bright neon colors, like the entire city of Boston is stuck in a floating version of Tron's mainframe. It can get disorienting when a mass of drones and lasers is closing in on you, but overall the aesthetic is in line with Dejobaan's other games. It's clean, consistent, and Dejobaan does the smart thing by highlighting all the available power-ups in each level.
Even if you're able to finish the game - good luck on that one - Drunken Robot Pornography includes other options to extend the game. There's creation tools, so players can make their own stages and Titans. Player creations can then be uploaded to Steam Workshop. DRP's workshop already has 398 entries and that number should be going up now that the game has finally launched out of Early Access. (Note: I did not see a ton of penises, so good job, DRP community!) There's also weekly challenges, an endless survival mode, and Cocktail Hunter, which strips you of all weapons and has you collecting alcohol for points. It's a decent amount of content for a relatively low $15.
Drunken Robot Pornography can be a ton of fun, but it can also get a bit repetitive. Add in the uneven level difficulty and you have an experience that could turn away some players. That said, like another game I reviewed earlier in the week, Earth Defense Force 2025, if you love what DRP has to offer then there's a lot here to love. Dejobaan obviously had fun making it and if you're a fan of bullet hell and old-school shooters, I'd definitely give it a play-though.
ConclusionDrunken Robot Pornography gets your bullet hell in my arena shooter, with a bit of Tribes thrown in for good measure. Shoot, leap, and dodge lasers, drones, and giant robots through a ton of levels. Level difficulty is a bit uneven at times and DRP can get repetitive, but there's still a lot of fun to be had here. And when you're done with the game, you can head to the Steam Workshop to face-off against player creations!