The Thing: Remastered is the definitive way to play 2002's most underrated horror comedy

The Thing (2002) never was a very scary video game. Sure, low-detail graphics were far spookier more than 20 years ago, and there are some effective jump scares in it, but by and large, Computer Artworks' adaptation-sequel was goofy above all. Nightdive Studios' The Thing: Remastered hasn't altered that.

This isn't a knock on the work the original studio did on the game. Quite the opposite. I actually believe that John Carpenter's The Thing (1982) is so awesome partly due to its ability to be equal parts terrifying, gross, and just funny as s**t. Even if the team really tried, The Thing (as a concept) couldn't really be very scary after that first movie; as the whole thing sorta relied on an element of surprise that was gone by the end of it. The 2011 prequel was proof that retracing the same steps was a mostly dumb approach doomed to fail.

Computer Artworks' game, now delightfully recreated and upgraded by Nightdive (the recent remastering efforts of which have all been killer), went the opposite direction: Make it all bigger and louder. This is what I like to call the 'Aliens approach' to sequels. The surprise element is gone and you can't really replicate the original sense of fear, so have fun with it and bend the genre a little.

At the center of The Thing (video game), there's a rather archaic squad system that becomes the highlight and most unique feature of the experience the more you play. A bunch of soldiers visit the Antarctic outposts besieged by the horror from another world shortly after the events of the original movie. Most of them are expendable, as in they can die halfway through missions due to enemy damage or your own f**k-ups. The worst/best thing about it? You can essentially 'softlock' yourself if you lose an engineer at certain points of a level, since they're the only guys who can really fix some broken devices/doors.

As a direct result, The Thing can be quite tense even if it isn't scary. Ally AI wasn't the greatest and hasn't seen much improvement, but these digital pals are quite effective at completely destroying reanimated limbs and other monstrosities. Basically, just make sure to keep them stocked with ammo and be conscious of their placement, especially in narrow corridors and messy rooms.

Cutscenes aside, there isn't much writing done for these expendable characters, which is why you'll be hearing lots of barks that repeat over and over again. When that's combined with their rather predictable reactions to cold (there's a whole mechanic built around it), alien horrors, and you messing up with wobbly aim, comedy ensues. Moreover, they like to puke when feeling a bit stressed out, so they might go "I'm fine", and immediately proceed to vomit their entire guts out because "I'm fine" didn't 100% mean they were fine and dandy. Try not to laugh, I dare you.

Similarly, get into a big fight with 'things' of all types and sizes and your allies are bound to be hurt by the packs of nightmarish foes a bit too much. Maybe they haven't gone down in battle, but chances are they're infected and ready to turn after you've healed them and heard a positive remark from them. Mind you, the old scripted transformations that directly collided with the blood test system aren't a thing in the remaster, but you can still lose these guys right after thinking they're perfectly fine because it was just the game spewing out random barks. It's the right sort of hilarious stuff. Keep your flamethrower well-fed and handy.

Last but not least, I'd like to point out that looking through windows (both at the inside of buildings and snowy outside) can give you comedy gold like the moment in the clip below. Some 'things' are just wandering around the area until you trigger their aggro. Meanwhile, lost NPCs are waiting inside a warehouse for you to drop by, but you can see them sitting there while you frantically look for an open door. This is what the PS2/Xbox era games were all about. That's the stuff.

While younger gamers might have a harder time adapting to the inherent jank of rusty AA games from ancient times, veterans like me find all this charming. The fact that Nightdive has so immaculately added to the lighting and texture work across all of the game, while polishing off some rough edges (such as the aforementioned blood test phenomenon) doesn't negate the fact The Thing is f**king funny first and foremost. It's the sort of stuff that could've been completely erased by a full-blown remake. Instead, we've received a great way to replay the same game you remember struggling with and laughing at.

The Thing: Remastered is available now for PS4/5, Xbox One/Series, Nintendo Switch, and PC via Steam and GOG.