Yes, Stardew Valley mayonnaise drinking speedruns are now a thing, and already sub 20 minutes

Hi there. It’s Friday afternoon, everyone's being very loud about Dragon’s Dogma 2 and I’m about to tell you about something that’s kinda disgusting. It’s about Stardew Valley. People are racing to drink mayonnaise in it as fast as they can.

Yeah, this is what life is now, apparently.

First, here’s some background info on how we got here. In 2016, Stardew Valley became a thing. In March 2024, we learned that drinking mayonnaise in Stardew Valley would be becoming a thing. Then, with the release of Stardew Valley’s 1.6 update, it became a thing. Then, lots of people flocked to the game, probably to drink mayonnaise. Now, people are seeing just how fast they can reach the mayonnaise and drink it. Soon, we’ll all be dead.

Seriously though, white liquid guzzle speedruns are now a thing (thanks, GamesRadar), and they’re pretty fun, assuming you can get past the whole guzzling a white liquid part without sniggering, which I can’t. If you can, there’s a sub 20 minute mayo-based Stardew speedrun for you to watch below, by a streamer called LarkyLovesYou_, which, I mean, I didn’t ask whether they did, but ok.

As you might expect, the strats involved in the mayo speedruns are pretty simple. You wake up, and you go about gathering the ingredients you need to make a mayonnaise machine and, er, some mayonnaise using it, via some farming and mining, you know, typical Stardew stuff. This one, which is LarkyLovesYou_’s fourth attempt at the run and clocks in at 17 minutes and 31 seconds, is by far one of the most relaxing speedruns I’ve ever watched.

Mainly because those Baldur's Gate 3 ones are now so fast they’re a bit like watching someone who’s just come out of a nightclub toilet with a nosebleed and lots of energy try to solve a Rubik’s cube.

Anyway, this runner’s not the only one currently trying this kind of thing. Apparently there’s a Stardew Valley Speedruns Discord server, and someone in it with the handle of seapickle5, which is a Club Penguin name - I’m sorry - currently holds the world record at 17 minutes and 6 seconds.

The group are currently trying to convince the folks at Speedrun.com to add Mayo% to Stardew’s list of established meme speedrun categories, which includes Posh% and Underwearsoup%. The first one’s about proving that you’re a classy gentleman by doing posh stuff very fast, and I assume the latter’s about making soup with pants in, so yeah, these mayo people aren’t as strange as I first thought.