One of the most highly-anticipated Disney+ arrivals of 2023 is a waste of everyone’s time

Back in 2010, Disney made the decision to remake the 2003 horror comedy film, Haunted Mansion. The film was created in a plight to give Disney’s theme park rides films of the same name (including Pirates of the Caribbean), and overall, it told a riveting albeit simple tale of a troubled family and a dark, supernatural love.

When the remake of the film was first being discussed, Guillermo Del Toro was at the helm as a producer and writer; he wanted to create something - in typical Guillermo Del Toro style - that was scary and fun. He was sure as hell going to make sure that the ‘scary’ would scare audiences from their seats, and of course, Del Toro soon enough found himself no longer working on the project (reminds me a lot of a Silent Hill-shaped project…).

Instead, Katie Dippold - a writer of Parks and Recreation and 2016’s less-than-loved Ghostbusters reboot - was brought on board as writer.

And Justien Simien, director of Dear White People, was introduced as director. They’re not Guillermo del Toro, but they still had the potential to breathe life into this star-studded remake and its paranormal love story all over again.

I’m sad to say, however, they did anything but when the Haunted Mansion remake came to Disney+ in 2023. Starring Lakeith Stanfield, Danny DeVito, Owen Wilson, Jamie Lee Curtis, Tiffany Haddish, and many more big names, I so desperately wanted this film to be good. Haunted Mansion (2003) wasn’t a cinematic masterpiece by any means, but it was simple, fun, and a scary family-friendly experience. It was wholly entertaining, and that’s exactly what the remake is not.

Haunted Mansion (2023) remains faithful to the original film, but rather than a family visiting this spooky setting for a trip to bring them closer together, we’re presented with a hodge-podge group of strangers that have all wound up here for different reasons. It’s certainly an attempt to modernise the plot, making things feel more akin to Knives Out than Haunted Mansion, but the end result is so many plot threads and fancy effects that overall, there’s nothing really that worth paying attention to. I don’t know how a film manages to have so much going on while also having nothing going on at the same time, but Haunted Mansion (2023) manages just that. It has plenty of visual spectacles and a stellar cast going for it, without much else, and even those don’t save it.

There are some rather poignant moments in which Lakeith Stanfield’s character - an astrophysicist mourning his late wife - discusses grief, and these are powerful. Additionally, Danny DeVito breathes life into any scene that he’s in, as he usually does, but it’s just not enough to bring Haunted Mansion (2003)’s magic back from the dead. I was ultimately presented with a remake that had lost all the charm of the original, that had nothing going for it but its star-studded cast and some flashy visuals. It’s not funny, it’s not scary, and most importantly, it’s not entertaining.

It has its moments, but all in all, Haunted Mansion (2023) is a huge disappointment that doesn’t engage its audience or really do anything whatsoever that’s worth writing home about. Considering The Muppets’ Haunted Mansion managed to evoke more laughs than this, this film should’ve stayed locked in the tomb that they unearthed it from.

If you’re curious about how Haunted Mansion (2023) plays out, it is available to watch on Disney+ with a subscription to the service.

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