Five Games That Will Destroy Your Relationship

This article first appeared on USgamer, a partner publication of VG247. Some content, such as this article, has been migrated to VG247 for posterity after USgamer's closure - but it has not been edited or further vetted by the VG247 team.

Today is Valentine's Day, the day when love is in the air and people go the extra mile to spend money on whoever they've decided is most compatible with their lives at the moment. Most relationships will spend the evening exchanging gifts, eating an expensive (or home-cooked) dinner, and retiring for the night to cuddle.

But gaming is a big part of our lives, so maybe you want to share your evening beside your special person playing a great game. A great co-operative game is a chance to bring your relationship closer together. Games can show each partner how well you work together to solve problems and conquer obstacles.

They can also do the opposite. Here are a few games you probably should avoid playing this evening if you don't absolutely know or trust your loved one. Let us begin on this trail or tears.

New Super Mario Bros U/New Super Luigi U

This is one of two Nintendo-published entries on this list. When you think of Super Mario, you think of fun for the whole family, but Nintendo decided that idea was overrated. The genesis of this fiendish series, New Super Mario Bros on the DS, was mostly exempt from the problem found in the home console versions because most people played it single-player. Multiplayer is where the darkness lies and the Wii U versions of this series can be downright spiteful at times.

While New Super Mario Bros U (and New Super Luigi U) are wonderful precision platformers in single-player mode, in multiplayer they can become ruthless competitive battles. See, NSMBU has player collision, so players can pick up and bounce off each other. Nothing is worse than making a precision leap onto a platform, only bounce off of your significant other standing where you were going to land. Or what about being "accidentally" thrown into a bottomless abyss, wasting one of your previous lives. Even if you're trying to be nice to each other, eventually someone's going to cause someone else's death. Bright side: you don't share lives, so when one player taps out of their stock, they can just watch listlessly as the other player enjoys the game. Wait, that's not a bright side.

There's more! New Super Mario Bros U includes Boost Mode, where one player uses the GamePad's touchscreen to create platforms in mid-air. It's super-helpful, but it's also super-unhelpful. Imagine soaring through a level and nearing the flagpole, only to careen off an errant platform and fall to your doom. Depending on who you have controlling the GamePad, this is a common occurrence. Enjoy.

Left 4 Dead/Left 4 Dead 2

"Look, sometimes people panic. No, I didn't mean to leave you in the middle of all those zombies. Yes, I saw that you were out of ammo. I promise I'll come back and revive you."

Left 4 Dead and its sequel are about groups of various people coming together to survive a zombie apocalypse. You need to depend on each other to finish each level. Both games are great when everyone is on the same page, everyone is selfless, and everyone is around the same skill level. If any of those elements is in contention, this gaming Icarus comes crashing back down to Earth.

If you're playing on anything but Easy, friendly fire is in full swing, meaning a stray shotgun shell can end your partner. Incapacitated? You'll have to trust that your boyfriend or girlfriend decides to help you before you become zombie chow. You'll also have to depend on them not giving away your position to any of the Infected; a errant bullet is the difference between sneaking past a Witch and a grisly death. Good luck.

Borderlands 2

Borderlands 2 is a great co-op game... if you and your partner understand that every sniper rifle is yours. Yes, including that one.

See, Borderlands and Borderlands 2 are all about loot. Loot makes the world go round. Guns are like snowflakes on Mr. Everest, they're everywhere. With friends, there's trading going on and everyone is working to make the whole team better.

But there's a competitive edge to the game, where certain players sprint ahead of the pack to loot chests and corpses first. (read: loot ninjas) If you're that person, it makes sense: you just want to be able to pick and choose from all of the cool swag. But if you're in a relationship, you need to compromise. You need to give your boyfriend or girlfriend the chance to pick up their own loot, because nothing is worse than feeling that you're getting all of the other player's sloppy seconds. Hoarding the weapons is the best way to end up alone on Valentine's Day.

You'll also know exactly who your loved one is when they spawn a vehicle, jump into the driver's seat, and speed away without consulting you.

Portal 2

At its highest level, Portal 2 requires planning and perfect timing to proceed. If you've played single-player, imagine all the planning it takes to find the best sequence of moves to exit a room. Imagine all the times you failed a jump or portal placement when you were playing single-player. Now imagine half the planning and execution is based on the mental and physical faculties of another person.

In Portal 2, if your boyfriend or girlfriend places a portal in the wrong spot, you can end up dying pretty quickly. Of all the games on this list, Portal 2 probably requires the most teamwork; there's no way for any one player to get ahead alone. Many times, failure to perform has instant consequences, leading you or your partner to wonder what you see in each other. There's even an entire level that leaves the life of one player in the hands of the other. It's like Valve is laughing at your relationship.

Mario Party

Damn you, Nintendo. Seriously, I could've filled this list with Nintendo games: Zelda Four Swords, Mario Kart, and Smash Bros are all potentially-poor choices when playing with a loved one. But this game takes the cake.

Mario Party takes all the fun of a board game and turns it into a back-stabbing nightmare. You move around the board as your chosen Mario character, playing mini-games, collecting stars, and generally doing your best to screw over the other players.

One person wins a couple of mini-games and all of a sudden the game just turns evil. People get cutthroat. 'Competitive' takes on a whole new meaning and it actually gets worse when you have to work together in a mini-game; when you're teaming up one person's failure just increases the hate even more.

And the devil himself must have created the idea of bonus Stars. Depending on which Mario Party you're playing, extra stars are awarded for landing on the most blue spaces, having the most coins, crossing the most spaces, eating the most Candy, or even spending the most coins. Bonus stars turns winners into losers, and love into hate.

God forbid if you steal your girlfriend or boyfriend's star via a Bowser Event or take everything they have in Chance Time. Hell hath no fury as a person who's just lost all of their stars.

Honorable Mention: Dokapon Kingdom

I've never played this game, but my searches on the internet say the title is worse than Mario Party when it comes to destroying relationships. The game has seen two releases: one on PlayStation 2 and one on Wii. If you find it in your home randomly, assume it's a bad omen for your relationship like Hellraiser's Lament Configuration or Evil Dead's Necronomicon. Do not touch.