E3 Precap: Who Will Save Us from the Celebrity Menace?
It's been a longstanding E3 tradition to march famous people out on stage for their tenuous approval of a new product. But are we ever convinced they actually care?
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The relationship between the gaming industry and celebrity culture has always been... complicated. Even though games have outpaced movies in terms of yearly revenue—in the United States, at least—there still exists a sweaty sense of insecurity directed towards those who make their bank in more established forms of entertainment.
Need proof? You only need to look at the recent ad campaign for Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare, which put actor Kevin Spacey—K-PAX himself!—up front and center as the mascot for another needlessly overwrought production. There's no denying Spacey is a talent, even if his post-American Beauty movie career flamed out brilliantly after some pretty unfortunate choices. But Spacey's dominating presence in those ads felt like a gauntlet of elbow-nudges from Activision, as if to say "Eh? Eh? You believe we got this guy? Now he's going to be House of Cards-ing all over our video game! You know, he's actually a really cool dude in person." And so on.
Since E3 puts the entire industry right on Hollywood's doorstep, the awkward integration of celebrity culture and gaming reaches a fever pitch within this single week of June. During the big conferences, all manner of famous people are shoved in front of thousands of curious onlookers, and forced to cough out lame banter with the convincing delivery of someone with dozens of high-powered rifles trained on them from yards away. It's only a tiny step above Krusty the Clown's all-purpose "I heartily endorse this event or product" in terms of sincerity.
It doesn't take a Vulcan mind-meld to see these celebrities are there for nothing more than their standard appearance fees. And, to be fair, if someone offered me unspeakable amounts of money to feign interest in something publicly, it would admittedly be difficult to avoid exchanging a marginal amount of dignity for a fat wad of cash. But as a member of the press, I've sat, sighed, and rolled my eyes as celebrities took the stage to stammer through some pre-scripted small talk about their excitement over X or Y product, only to receive a round of applause for their mere presence. Hell, at one of last year's E3 conferences, I'm pretty sure a car got a standing ovation. I didn't just dream that, did I?
Some celebrities, despite their years and years of experience with tedious public appearances, clearly can't mask their contempt. Maybe they're shaken out of their enthusiastic facade by all of the dubstep that inexplicably fills these conference halls with the toe-tapping beats of an earthquake at the trainwreck factory, but some of our most famous superstars haven't been able to keep their cool upon mounting the E3 stage. E3 2009 featured one of the more infamous cases of celebrity intrusion, as the pending release of The Beatles Rock Band brought none other than Sir Paul McCartney and... Duke(?) Ringo Starr to Microsoft's press conference for one very special appearance.
Thankfully, this moment has been immortalized on YouTube—at least, until it gets flagged for using more than .5 seconds of a Beatles song. Now, I understand it must be incredibly easy to be absolutely jaded if you've lived the lives of the friggin' Beatles, but take a look at Paul's face—is he at E3, or cutting the ribbon at the opening of a local Bingo supply store? And what the hell is with all of the gum-chewing? Did they shove him out on stage just after he pounded a fistful of Juicy Fruit? In the proceeding 45 seconds, Paul and Ringo stumble through a conversation about something they appear to have been just made aware of, with all the professionalism of a fifth grader delivering an oral report about a book he didn't read. It's clear that these guys were ready to leap off the stage ten seconds in when Ringo mutters into the microphone, "Looks like they want us to talk amongst ourselves more." Oh, the burden of fame.
It may be unfair to pick on this single appearance so much, as it could have come together at the last minute. But the sheer contempt shown by Paul and Ringo as they deign to make noncommittal statements really sums up the rocky relationship between video games and celebrity culture. We reach out to them for something, anything, just for a simple acknowledgement. And when it happens, the balance of respect between both parties is similar to that of a prostitute and her John. I'm sure there are plenty of celebrities who enjoy video games, but in the conferences I've seen, the famous guests would be more convincing if they were rendered unconscious and manipulated by skilled puppeteers, Weekend at Bernie's style. So if you find yourself at one of these conferences, consider welcoming these very special guests with the same icy scorn they can't hide from their faces, despite having the most skilled makeup people of the industry at their fingertips.
Oh, and don't applaud for inanimate objects. It's just creepy.