Conan Exiles on Xbox One won't have a d**k slider, and you can blame Microsoft

Conan Exiles will be about 95% less hilarious on Xbox One. Boo. Booooo.

Conan Exiles went viral last month thanks to a male genital size slider and full cloth physics on said gentials.

It was a good laugh, but it also had a profound effect: Conan Exiles was immediately profitable, and Funcom has committed to an ambitious content plan - hopefully lifting Conan Exiles well above the rubbish survival knock-offs that inspired it.

In the immediate aftermath of this success, Funcom told its investors it would work hard to make console release a success, since there's very little in the survival space to challenge Conan Exiles on PS4 and Xbox One. And it's certainly going to have to ensure it has a quality product, because the Xbox One version, at least, won't have that same viral appeal: Microsoft isn't down with dicks.

"Xbox has been pretty clear with us that it's not going to fly," Conan Exiles creative director Joel Bylos told Glixel.

"It's just going to be off by default I think. I don't know if partial nudity might be OK. We haven't spoken to Xbox about breasts. They do allow breasts in some of their games, but the penises definitely won't be there."

Conan Exiles will release via Xbox One Game Preview later this year, and will release in full on both consoles in early 2018, which is also when the PC version comes out of Early Access.

We'll have to wait and see how Conan Exiles goes on PS4; Sony has stronger European ties than Microsoft, which means it may be more lenient in this regard - but dicks won't go down too well in Japan.

Try to resist the temptation to have a PC vs consoles platform war in the comments, cats.